A Message to My Son as He Graduates

My son, Max, is about to graduate from high school. He’ll spend this summer working a part-time job to earn some money (or at least, he’d better!), and then he’ll be off to college in the fall. This is an open letter to him with advice for his time in school and the workplace, based on my experiences—and my hopes.

Dear Max,

Congratulations on your graduation! I’m so proud of you! I know you’ve thoroughly enjoyed your high school years and made the most of them. You worked hard in classes and earned good grades. You found a passion for acting and the theater. You’ve been friendly and kind to classmates and teachers. And you’ve started to discover who you are.

As you prepare to take your first big steps into the adult world, I’ve got a few words of advice. I promise these suggestions are more important than my frequent, nagging reminders that you need to clean your room. I hope you’ll find them useful.

First, always remember that little things matter. You have a gift for kindness—you get it from your mother—and it’s allowed you to have a positive impact on many people. We’ve heard from other parents about nice things you’ve done for their children, and we’ve overheard classmates talking about your good example when they didn’t know we were there. Don’t ever let the stress of college, work, or life take that tendency toward kindness away from you. Instead, let your kindness guide you. Help fellow students. Be patient with other cast members. Ask how you can assist colleagues with their projects at work.

As you move through school and into the world of work, people will call these abilities you have “soft skills.” But don’t be fooled: there’s nothing “soft” about them. It will be hard to maintain and develop these skills in the face of disappointments and trials that come your way. Stand strong in your convictions and stand up for others. You’ll make it through the tough times, and you’ll help those around you do the same.

Second, as people notice your empathy and energy, they may ask you to be a leader. Perhaps you’ll be assigned to head a group project in class. In the work world, you may be asked to manage a team. Don’t shy away from these opportunities. You can learn so much from leadership, all while helping others grow in meaningful ways. This can be incredibly rewarding and a lot of fun. 

It's possible that, through these experiences, you’ll discover leadership and management are not for you. That’s completely OK, too. You don’t need a title or a team to have a positive influence on an organization and its people. 

Third, work to build a career that you will enjoy. I know you have a strong feeling about what you want to be, and I hope you pursue that dream. However, when you get to college, don’t be afraid to take classes outside of your major. Explore other possibilities and open your mind to different career options. You may stumble on something that will bring you even more joy than what you’re currently planning to pursue. 

A word of warning: you’re not likely to love every class you take or every job you do during your adult years. Some days—or weeks, or months—will feel like a drag. Others will be downright frustrating. But if you know the work you’re doing is helping you move toward a meaningful goal, you’ll be able to push through and hopefully get to that dream job sooner than you think.

Fourth, don’t be afraid to refine or change that goal. Maybe even multiple times. When I started as a newspaper reporter, that’s all I could imagine doing for my entire career. I eventually became an editor. Then I left journalism and managed a team of medical writers and editors. Another goal change led me to almost nine years of helping a team create custom family history books. As I write this, I’m pursuing yet another career change.

You’ll probably change your goals more frequently and drastically than I have. But not achieving a goal you set during high school or your first year in college doesn’t make you a failure. What you want out of life will evolve as you gain knowledge and experience. Taking a step into the unknown can be scary, but in my experience, those frightening steps are the ones that bring the greatest rewards.

Fifth, remember that you don’t have to do everything on your own. You have family members and friends who are in your corner, and we will always support you. At college, seek out classmates and professors who will mentor and guide you. You’re sure to find people who want to help you be your best self. Let them lend a hand.

Likewise, when you are in the workplace, maintain your sense of curiosity and desire to learn. Look once again for mentors who will take the time to teach you the ropes of whatever you’re doing. Ask questions. Then ask more questions. And when you’re done with that, ask a few more questions. I firmly believe that most people genuinely enjoy helping others and sharing their knowledge. Allow them to do so.

Finally, don’t forget to have fun! You excel at making people laugh and bringing joy to those around you. I hope you always use these gifts to bless others, but be sure to carve out time for yourself, too. I’ve told you many times that you should do what you have to do first so you can do what you want to do later. I still believe that’s the best way to move through life. But make sure you follow through on pursuing some of those wants. 

I haven’t always set a great example of this last point for you, but you have set an example for me. I know that has sometimes caused conflict between us, as well as frustration, but I want you to know how much I appreciate the joy you bring to me and our family. And no matter what I or anyone else might say, I hope you always make time for creativity and fun, whether you’re creating a suit of armor out of McDonald’s french-fry boxes or building the LEGO Millennium Falcon. 

Life as an adult isn’t always easy, but you’ve survived middle school and high school, so you can handle it. I have complete faith in your ability to do so, and I can’t wait to see what you accomplish. You have been a gift in my life since the day you were born. Now it’s time for you to share your gifts with the world.

Happy graduation, son! I love you!

Dad